October is waning towards Samhain and so why should I be surprised that the table saw is possessed by demons. Oh, the damn things are diabolical enough on the best of days, disagreeable and dangerous. If I were any kind of craftsman, I’d have gotten rid of it long ago and replaced it with hand tools.
But when the rip fence shows perfectly parallel to the blade, and the miter gauge shows perfectly perpendicular to the blade, then does geometry not demand that the the miter gauge must be perpendicular to the rip fence? Yes?
Noooooo. It’s possessed. It defies the laws of math, physics, and decency! And every cut was askew.
As chance would have it, there are several other table saws about the place accumulated when shops of friends and relatives were dissolved. So the faithful apprentices moved the possessed one out of the shop and put in the old Ryobi, the one in the photo. Just change out that old 7¼” blade with a new 10″ blade and we’d be ready to go.
“Ha! Hahahaha!” That’s what the demons said. The arbor nut was as if it were welded in place. No ordinary means would loosen it. So finally I Googled it, like using the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, there would be something…. ‘What to do when an arbor nut is stuck so tight it is as if it is possessed.”
I found an obscure tutorial by one Fr. Luthero. It was hard to follow, half of it was in Latin, but I did learn that the ‘PB’ in PB Blaster penetrating oil stands for ‘Penetratum Beatum’ – a sort of Holy Penetrating Oil. Following what he called ‘the ritual’, the nut finally began to move. The lights dimmed. I could swear I heard Tubular Bells playing somewhere. And the cat that had been watching all this from the work bench turned its head 360º! Well, that last might not count. That cat has done that before.
The nut came off with an unearthly screech and the smell of burning sulfur. I was able to replace the blade and set up the saw with no further trouble and it cuts straight and true.
But I wonder ….. am I ethically compelled to disclose which harps had parts cut on that possessed saw?
Or ….. should I charge extra! Bwahahahaha!